Late last Tuesday night, a local group of men congregated together to celebrate International Canada Day—a holiday they claimed was “like Canada Day, but for the whole world”—when one individual proclaimed, “Oh my god, I’m such an idiot. I forgot to submit my assignment!”

This was quickly followed by his buddy with the statement, “Don’t worry, I’m a bigger idiot. I once thought an assignment was due a week after it was actually due. That was so bad.”

His pal then said, “That’s nothing. I’m so stupid I once submitted an assignment that was due later—for an assignment that was due now—and forgot to submit the assignment that was due later. Can’t get much worse than that.”

Then the first individual shouted, “GUYS LOOK, it’s not just that. Take yesterday for instance. I was so stupid that I microwaved an entire container of milk while trying to microwave some cold coffee..”

Out of nowhere, a stranger on the street blurted, “You think you’re stupid? Last night I wanted to call my girlfriend, and instead, I called my mom and didn’t realize it until 10 minutes into the conversation. I can’t talk to her ever again now.”

One of the men mumbled, “He can’t talk to who now??”

Suddenly, one man got a call from the local police station. He picked up and listened, muttering not a single word. The click of the call’s end echoed down the street. The man brought his phone from his ear down to his side in a slow, smooth emotionless motion. He interjected, “Damn. I forgot to turn the oven off.”

His friends looked back and forth between each other, not knowing how to act. They wanted to act reassuringly but didn’t know how to do so without breaking the character they each created for that specific friend group. Their eyes danced around as the soft moonlight shined down on them. The meticulous and contorted mechanisms of a Rolex reverberated through the insufferably humid air. One listened closely to the sounds, pulling out their watch and synced up their stopwatch—to find each echo to be a second apart. They put their hand to their head—and looked down in terribly unbearable shame. The friends all took a breath as their motionless friend finished their slow, methodical crumple to his knees. Finally, one takes the initiative to speak,

                           “man. what an idiot”


Photo: Cullan Smith on Unsplash